Musings of a Night Nurse

Back from being MIA

2006-07-23T04:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, like a lot of other things in my life, I swore I was going to keep up this blog........didn't happen! LOL But I am now back and just wanted to do a small update!
First off, many many people have asked about my patient in the previous post, thankfully he went home the day after I wrote that post, so he is no longer suffering. However it truly has taken me much longer to get over the trauma!

Now on to knitting! I have started many projects and again, finished none! I have a baby sweater almost done for a friend, but haven't had the ambition to finish. It is HOT here in Western NY. Well today it is much cooler, but it will only last a few days.

I received a wonderful package in the mail yesterday from my swap partner Fran! OHHHHHHHH it is gorgeous! A BIG cake of sock yarn in a wonderful blue color way with some cream and green, and 2 wonderful cakes of soap that she made herself! If you could just smell how wonderful they are! I plan on using one for my shower this morning, just can't figure out which one!

The picture just doesn't do justice to the yarn, the colors are really gorgeous!
Thank you Fran!

Now speaking of socks, I have yet to finish a sock. I was tooling along having a grand time last night on Jeanne Townsends Pretty Petals ( I joined the KAL but um decided I needed to start before August 1, good thing too!) when I notice a long strip of yarn on the inside of my sock. Apparently while fighting with 4 dpn's the yarn got in between and around and made quite the mess. I refused to panic. So I gingerly removed all 4 dpn and began to frog to that area. So far so good, but trying to put the stitches back on with all the yarn overs and k2tog and psso, I found it impossible. So I frogged the whole thing and put it away. I will give it another go, but needed to chill for the night.

As soon as I remember how I will put the button for the Pretty Petals KAL on the sidebar along with the button for the MSampler KAL. Oh and I promise to take a picture of the sampler to date. We are on pattern 4 and it is so pretty! Well I need to shower and get the day going, I will be back as promised this time. LOL REALLY!

A need to vent on a barbaric happening

2006-05-09T04:36:00.000-07:00

OMG! In 30 years of nursing, I have never, ever seen anything so barbaric. I am shaking so badly that it is hard to type. My heart is breaking, I want to smash something (or someone) and I want to get falling down stupid drunk! I do NOT drink! so does that give you an idea of where my mind is right now?

How do I start..........with the HIPPA laws as they are I have to be very careful and not give out any identifying information. Oh Hell here goes. I have a 69 year old resident that is a stroke victim. He is aphasic (can't really speak, but is able to get his wants and needs known) This man never complains about anything! He may swear at you now and then if he doesn't like whats happening but I have never known him to complain.

Friday night I went to work and the evening nurse tells me that he is complaining of abdomenal pain. Now this is the deal. you ask him a question he says yes or no. So I ask him if he is in pain, he answers yes, I ask him to show me where the pain is, he puts his hand on his abdomen. Now the evening nurse has alread gone thru the bowel movement thing, and given him a suppository which did not relieve his pain. I take his temp, hmmmmm its 103. Ok, time to do a full assessment. Lungs clear, uring clear, palpate the abdomen.......uh oh, guarding on the right and a very definite positive rebound. I call my supervisor and tell her I believe he has a hot appendix. She comes up does the same thing I did and agrees with me. Simple so far right?

She calls the doc, first roadblock. Resident is comfort care which means no lab draws, no x-rays, no hospitalization. With alot of convincing on the part of my supervisor and myself we get him to agree to send the resident out for evaluation to the ED IFFFFFFFF his wife says it is ok. Ok, this should be simple right??? WRONG!!!!

The wife refuses to let us send him to the ED. WTF???????? sorry about the language! So I give him an IM narcotic analgesic. NO effect from it. I spend all night trying to make this man comfortable.

The next AFTERNOON the wife finally agrees to let him go to the ED to be evaluated. Can you all guess what they found? A RUPTURED appendix! DAMN! if we had sent him in the night like we wanted, it would have been a simple lap appendectomy, and boom back at the nursing home within 24 hours. Now once the appendix ruptures, they have to make a large incision, do a peritoneal lavage (flushing out the infection and gunk) LEAVE the incision open and let it heal from the inside out. Meanwhile the patient would be on heavy duty IV antibiotics and be in the hospital a while.

Do they do this? Hell no! The wife wants him to stay at the nursing home. So they send the man back to me in excruciating pain to die of peritonitis. Again excuse the language but WTF!!!!!!!! Saturday night, Sunday night and last night I am with this man while he is in indescribable pain. The doc keeps upping the Morophine but it isn't helping.

Last night I was giving Roxinal (liquid morophine) 10mg by mouth every hour and still could not control this mans pain! Dear Lord! I had to go into the med room and close the door and kick something. I wanted to hit someone! Just wasn't sure if it was the wife for being a heartless bitch, or the doc for possibly not explaining to the family how horrific this death would be!

I so wanted to call in sick Sunday and Monday night. I did not want to be any part of this barbarism. The only that stopped me was knowing that I would do my damndest to make him comfortable. The family was not there all night to hear this man in pain, I was. My poor CNA's did not know what to do when I burst into tears this morning. But I knew there are a lot of nurses that are hesitant to give morophine when respirations are already suppressed as morophine will suppress the respirations more.

As I said, I have been doing this for 30 years and in that time I certainly have learned to be able to take a step back and do my job with out letting my spirit be crushed each time there is a death. Of course there are always those that get to you no matter what, but you learn to be objective and proud of being able to be part of a loving and peaceful passing. Just couldn't freaking do it this time.

If you read this far, thank you. I think I will go take my Vicodin and flexaril and Elavil and try to sleep and hope I don't have any more nightmares.

Please folks, be very careful and choosy who you pick to be your health care proxy, who you choose to make medical decisions for you, and make sure they know what your wishes are!

Long time no post!

2006-04-23T04:56:00.000-07:00

well as you can see it has been a long long time since I posted! LOL My FLAK is left in purgatory for now, just haven't had the ambition and/or bravery to get it out and give it another shot! Besides, I have a bunch of baby things to get done! Everyone is having babies it seems. I have been asked about the sweater set that I did for the Olympics. It is called Suzanne's Matinee Jacket and you can only get it by joining Babysweaters and last I knew there was a waiting list to join! It really is my favorite type of sweater, raglan sleeves knit from the top down, not a bunches of "pieces" to sew together!

I am doing another one now, called Rindy's Raglan top down sweater for a co-worker that is having a little boy, such a soft blue! I haven't found the hat and booties/socks I want to do with it yet, but as soon as I sew the buttons on, I will post a pic. Oh and sorry, that pattern is in the files of Babysweaters too! Next on my list is to finally sew together and put buttons on mint green Beribboned sweater, and then I will post that. Ohhhhhhh and I have to get the pattern for Elizabeth Zimmerman's Baby Surprise Jacket! ohhhhhhhh you should see the variations that Rindy does on that one! I hope Rindy won't mind me putting the URL to her pictures here. I will have to ask her! Rindy

On the health front, and here is the real reason I haven't been updating!
I am still in Back HELL! I am taking a break from Physical Therapy, cause I am just sooo discouraged! I did visit the pain clinic, and the doc there says that it is my sacral-iliac joint that is unstable and causing most of the pain. hmmmmmmmm ok, soooooooo I have had one injection into the SI joint with probably 5 more to follow, and along with that! about six injections into the L-5 area, not sure if it is into the disc or not. Spring is here, and I soooooooo want to do thorough, deep spring cleaning, but nooooooooooooo, if I clean, I won't be able to work, so I am stuck just doing the lick and a promise that started back in September. All the winter yuk is building up and I am NOT happy!

And just to add to the fun, my DH has severe emphysema, last year he wound up in the hospital and I almost lost him. The solumedrol they gave me IV to help the inflammation so he could breath, sent him into another world where monsters and snakes and spiders live! Also a good dose of paranoia, he wouldn't take any meds unless I was there to tell him it was ok. So he came home on 6L of O2 and nebulizers every 4 hours. He did really well and we were able to decrease the O2 to 2L. Yesterday morning he wakes with body shaking chills. Yup you guessed it, Fever of 104, lungs sounds were disgusting with every rale, rhonchi, crackle and wheeze you could imagine. Here comes super nurse!!!!!!!!!! LOL Gave him the only 2 tylenol in the house, made him do a neb treatment, then ran to the store for advil (works better on fevers) and mucinex to thin the secretions,hounded him to take my vitamin C and zinc. And insisted on nebs every 4 hours. I even came home last night on my lunch break to check on him. This morning his lungs sound good and no temp! yeah!!!!!!! but as I told him, " I am the nurse, the doctor, and your mother today, you WILL do everything I tell you too unless you want to vist the hospital again. So far so good! Well off to catch a few hours of sleep.
Hope to post some pics shortly!

FLAK News

2006-03-19T03:56:00.000-08:00

ok, well I know I promised pictures. I was down to the elbow on my sleeve, and it fit! HOWEVER.........there had been a little bitty mistake on the underside of the sleeve in my moss stitch. I ignored it, thought no one is going to see it, I can work around this! You know, the guy on the galloping horse thing? Well it just kept getting worse, no matter how I tried to "correct" it, til finally there was an area, that instead of looking like moss stitch, had taken on the appearance of 1x1 rib for about 10 stitches. Still, I know no one else but me would notice right? But I couldn't ignore it, so I frogged! the whole blessed thing all the way back to stitches being picked up.

So I picked up the stitches, but now for some unknown reason, my first baby rope that should correspond with the baby rope on the saddle is sadly screwed up.

Yes the FLAK has gone into the knitting bag while I get over my frustration once again, I took a break to work on the mid March KAL from my dishcloths group. Very nice pattern (round flower petal)and very easy!

I also began a sweater for my 1 year old niece from a leisure arts booklet, Knitting for Little Darlings, or something like that. I am doing 18 months size even tho Maysa is a peanut! Because I know she will need it in the fall! Now I wish I could find a sweater pattern I like for her big sister Isabella who is about to turn 4. Oh and their big brother Dakota, who is 8. And then there is my niece Christa, who is 6. I will try to take some pics later today of the sweater from the booklet, and also to show you the hideous mess I have made of my FLAK! LOL

Yes I must keep repeating, KNITTING IS CALMING!

A bit of Irish!

2006-03-15T08:26:00.000-08:00

Your Irish Name Is...

Isobel MacMahon

What's your Irish Name?

LOL gotta love St. Paddy's Day, especially if you have any Irish in you at all! Me great-grandmather was of County Cork, name of Mamie Callory, immigrated to the United States around 1890. To celebrate, I have again taken up my FLAK, finally finished the left front and have picked up the right sleeve and am working in the round. No pictures yet, but I promise soon!

Also I think my epitath is very much like me! Take a look!

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Brain disconnedt

2006-03-06T04:44:00.000-08:00

Well I spent all day yesterday trying to do the left side of my FLAK. ripped it out x3. Finally tossed it into the knitting bag to wait for today. I have no idea why my brain cannot figure out how to make it match the right front exactly. I know that this should be a no brainer, maybe today my brain will reconnect and I can finish the front and go on to brain freeze for the sleeves. I am thinking that somehow I may have truly messed up the right front, thus causing the problems with the left. If so, too bad, I am NOT going to tear out the right front, the left will match somehow, someway! Stay tuned! Hopefully by this time tomorrow I will have the left front done and a pic on this blog!

back in the FLAK saddle

2006-03-04T04:53:00.000-08:00

First let me tell you that I won a prize from the Knitting Olympics! Can ya believe it? 2 skeins of hand-dyed sock yarn! Can't wait to get it and get serious about knitting socks! I have practiced with the dpn on worsted weight, and I am really looking forward to having a pair of socks that I knit myself!

Ok, onward, no pictures, but yesterday (my birthday LOL) I had a very quiet day where I could sit and really figure out how to pick up the stitches and do the neck shaping for my FLAK cardigan. Ok, so I did visit the Frog pond once. I had all of my increases on when low and behold, I had a really bad cross on my braid about six rows down. I tried laddering down to fix it, but somehow my brain cannot wrap itself around that concept. Soooooooooo I frogged the whole thing, picked up the stitches again and started over! I have now cast on all the extra stitches for my right front and have about 2 inches done. So what am I doing now while I continue knitting the right front? Stressing about the left front of course! LOL stay tuned, I will post a pic when both fronts are completed before I start stressing about the sleeves!

Awwwwwwwwww Knitting is sooooooooo relaxing! LOL
(oh and I think my right front neck edge does not look as neat and nice as Janets does in the instructions!

My Gold Medal!~

2006-03-01T04:53:00.000-08:00

Here is my gold medal~ Thank you Yarnharlot for such a great project. It truly is amazing how the concept took wing and flew across the world. I sincerely appreciate all the hard work you and your "staff" put in! Also, you are right, I underestimated my ablilities and should have picked a more difficult Olympic challenge. Well there are the summer Olympics in 2 years right?

Olympic GOLD!

2006-02-24T14:48:00.000-08:00

I did it! I finished the entire layette including the blanket, which I wasn't planning on doing, and I even have a few days left over! whooooohooooooo I really can't believe I made it! I loved this challenge to just keep at something til it was done. Now back to the FLAK

Knitting Olympic Update

2006-02-19T09:00:00.000-08:00

Well the sweater set for the Knitting Olympics is done. The color here isn't really accurate, it is a very pale yellow with speckles of pink, blue and orchid. I really like the way it turned out!

This is a close up of the buttons, which was useless to take a pic of. They are white but look like broken rainbow glass. Unfortunately my camera didn't pick that up at all!
I am now doing a blanket to match which is turning out to be alot harder then I thought. The center was a breeze, just a corner to corner garter stitch, but then you pick up stitches all around and add a feather and fan lace edging. Doesn't sound hard does it? Well I am having a heck of a time keeping the right number of stitches on each side. and because it is a square blanket, done in the round, it is all bunched up on the circular needles, making it hard to see if the pattern is coming out right. Sooooooo this will be an act of faith that in the end it will be lovely! Wish me luck. When this is done, it is back to my flak!

I am in such big trouble!

2006-02-07T05:07:00.000-08:00

Ok, part 5 of the FLAK was posted yesterday. I was so excited! I couldn't wait to download it and get started! So print it out I did. Then I grabbed it hot off the printer and began reading, and reading, and rereading. OMG! I could feel my brain start to seize up. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up straight. I forlornly looked at my back and thought "that is all there is going to be" *sob*. I think I have definitely bitten off more then I can chew! I am not this smart! I am not this accomplished! Please somebody, anybody, please pick up the stitches and do the neck shaping for me. It doesn't have to be a cardigan! It can be anything you want if you just do the neck shaping for me. I beg you! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, nervous breakdown over. I will leave this bit of the FLAK for now, til I can find some complete alone and quiet time. Don't want DH saying "I thought you said you knit to relax????" LOL I have heard that more then once.

So I will sit back and read on the yahoo group everyone else's questions and foibles. Look for the answers, reread the directions about a million more times and concentrate on the Knitting Olympics. Whew! Glad I have something to fall back on!

You may now return to your normal programming!

Flack back to armholes.

2006-02-05T12:50:00.000-08:00

Ok here is my finished flak back to armholes.
I had it done earlier, but wouldn't ya know, just as I was patting myself on the back about not making any major mistakes, the last cross on the middle horseshoe was backwards. Did ya all hear me scream???? LOL well I frogged back about 4 rows, took 1/2 hour putting the stitches back on the needles and praying I was on the right row. It worked! LOL. Now understand, in real life the cables are popping, but for some reason with my digital camera it isn't showing up very well. I added a few stitches of moss on the sides. I haven't completely made up my mind what this sweater is going to be, but since we are heading for spring (yes even here in NY), I am thinking I will get more wear out of a cardigan, so I wanted a bit more ease to fit over other clothes.

Ok, so now I am ready for the next step! yeah!

Oh and I am swatching for the Knitting Olympics. I will show you progress on my baby layette as it happens! Wish me luck!

knitting and life

2006-01-29T06:18:00.000-08:00

Hopefully I will get a pic of my FLAK on later today, I have most of the back to the armholes done and am really quite pleased with it if I do say so myself (being as this is my first venture into Aran, to say nothing of the way it is constructed. This is just soooooooo cool! I see all sorts of ways to use this information to actually design my own sweater one day! Yeah Janet, I love you!

I have also joined the knitting olympics (button in the sidebar). I have to cast on during the opening ceremonies on Feb. 10, and have it finished by closing ceremonies February 26. My project will be a baby layette. A good friend is due way to soon for me to procrastinate any longer! I have joined Team USA, and will have that button on later today also.

On a somber note. The wonderful lady that I made a shawl for at Christmas, passed on Friday morning at 6A. I am honored that I was on duty and there to help her and her loving family thru such a difficult time. I have been in long term care for 30 years and yes, I can usually distance myself a bit, it is self-defense if you know what I mean, you can't take all that pain so personally all the time. However, I had to take a break in the back room to get myself together. I did shed tears with the family, and I will be visiting the Funeral Home tomorrow.

To Grace: You touched many lives, and did so with grace and dignity. Fly with angels now Gracie, you will forever live in my heart.

My Rant for today

2006-01-23T03:52:00.000-08:00

Ok, it is time for a rant! Back in September I hurt my back at work. A word of caution, always know how strong someone is BEFORE you try to lift a patient with them! Anyway.....I herniated my L4-5 disc. Was out of work for 8 weeks, doing Physical therapy and visiting the comp docs. Now I don't know if the comp law is the same in all states, but here in NY you have to be out of work for 7 consecutive days to begin to collect comp. Ok, that is reasonable.

However, the nursing home I work for is county owned and run and the county is self-insured. hmmm yup, we are beginning to run into problems here. First I had to sign FMLA papers so that they would pay me from my sick bank and annual leave (read vacation here)bank. Was told it would be replaced after comp kicked in. Well......... they had to use ALL of my time BEFORE comp would cut a check. Ok, still not too bad. However! Workmen's comp won't cut the nursing home a check to replace my lost sick and vacation time until after I have a comp hearing! NH told me that can take up to a year. SAY WHAT??????????? So I call the NYS workmens comp number to ask about when I might be getting a hearing.

Hold on are you ready???????????? NYS doesn't even have me on record as having a workmen's comp claim!!!!!!! Ok, my blood pressure shot up, my migraine kicked in, and I headed for the Lortab bottle.

Now mind you, I am STILL in PT, had to take Friday night off due to an exacerbation of the pain due to tripping over the damn bed alarm wires at work Thursday night. Had an appointment with the neurosurgeon on Friday (which by the way took 3 MONTHS to get).

Neurosurgeon says, continue with PT and if there isn't any improvement in the next 3 months, make another appointment and they will do a myelogram.

So basically, I continue to go to PT 3x/week to be put on the rack (read mechanical traction with 100lb pull) and continue the strenghtening exercises. The state comp board sent me paperwork to file my own claim, and here I sit with NO sick time.

Vacation time is put in the bank at the beginning of the year. But HELLO! I work in health care, long term care to be exact. It is the middle of flu season, what the hell do I do if I catch something? Apparently I go to work anyway (which the nursing home thinks everyone should do) and share it with my co-workers and residents. Yes these frail elderly that sure as hell do not need me to add to their health woes.

Ok, end of rant, going to go knit and hope to relax a bit.

Shoulder saddles are done!

2006-01-22T14:23:00.000-08:00

Well here they are, you really can't see the stitch definition very well with my camera, but I am kinda pleased with them. I am probably the only one in the KAL using acrylic yarn, but since this is my first try at an Aran sweater, and the whole math thing to get it to custom fit, I was a bit leary. Course NOW I find out that Knitpicks is really reasonable and I could have had wool of the Andes for just about the same price. Oh well, no time to order just now, but I am thinking of shooting off an order and may just reswatch and try it with a really nice yarn. hmmmmmmm but what color????????? LOL I sure hope I haven't gotten in over my head here!

close up of buttons

2006-01-10T14:56:00.000-08:00

one baby sweater done!

2006-01-10T14:54:00.000-08:00

ok, here is the sweater I made for my 1 year old niece. above you will see the close up of the lady bug buttons

grrrrrr

2006-01-09T15:06:00.000-08:00

well I have tried 3 times to put a pic on here of my finished baby sweater, but so far no go! hmmmmm maybe I should stop and try again tomorrow, when I am not on pain meds for my herniated disc. Yeah typical nurse's back and it really stinks!

I finally took the plunge!

2006-01-08T01:52:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I needed a place to put my knitting and life thoughts. I used to do a graphics website, but really didn't want to get into all that again.....so I finally started a blog. No more excuses, I got a new digital camera for Christmas, so I guess now I will have to download to my computer and put some pics here of my knitting madness! Now don't get excited I am sooooo a newby at knitting, but I really enjoy it, and it gives me a way to relax after a hectic night at work.

Of course I am sure that work related content will show up here! Some funny, some sad, some tragic. Ok here is my first rant!

It is absolutely criminal the way our elderly are treated, by society, family, and people in general. Enough of that rant for now, it will come back in the future!

My FO in knitting include 6 easy shawls I made for my CNA's at work for Christmas, and 1 shawl for an absolutely wonderful lady I care for that has terminal cancer. Prayers and good thoughts went into each stitch of these.

UFO's I have 3 count them 3 baby sweaters that either need 1 more sleeve done or just to be sewn together. Will take pics after they are together. I have done about 10 dishcloths. I belong to a monthly dishcloth KAL that you can find here http://groups.yahoo.com/group/monthlydishcloths/

We have lots of fun!

I am also learning to knit socks! with double points, LOL it looks like a really scary weapon on all those needles, after I get that down, I will attempt to learn using 2 circs and the magic loop method.

Lord help me, I also joined FLAK which is a "follow the leader Aron KAL" Yes I have done sweaters but this will be my first Aran, and I actually get to "design" my own. I am swatching my fingers off right now to get the right gauge so I can custom fit it to ME! LOL Pictures of that will follow also.

Course I have to figure out how to put pics on here, as well as buttons for my KAL's. oh well there is no hurry right? Knitting and blogging are supposed to be calming. Can I have an AMEN?